Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
