he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
