I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
