Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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