If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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