the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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