oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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