my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
