weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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