sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
