all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
