3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
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he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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