You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
