for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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