you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
