Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
