Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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