it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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