hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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