I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
