she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
