I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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