It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
