about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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