Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
