your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
