summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
