tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
