my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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