so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
