Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
