Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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