I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
