just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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