508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
