gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
