how can u be prego again
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
