I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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