Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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