just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
