she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
