I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
