I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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