i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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