I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
