I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
