I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
