Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
