i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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