dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
