Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
