if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
