good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
