batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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