Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
