i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
