I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
