Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
