Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
is it fun? or sober?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
