Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
