dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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