exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
