Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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