my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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