I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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