Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
